The grief comes in waves

This is the worst thing I've ever had to write.

My wife, Won Chong Boyd, has died.

She was in Korea visiting friends. I just got the news early this morning. I've been scrambling to make the arrangements to fly there either tomorrow or on Tuesday. I'm oscillating between numb and grief.

Won was a very private person with lots of medical problems. She did not like me to talk about her online. My deconversion from Christianity shook her faith, and for a time she was deist / agnostic. In the last year, with my support and encouragement, she had returned to the church - a much more liberal, accepting form of Korean church from that she used to attend. And I'm the President of CVAAS. We were okay with that.

She had an artificial heart valve and diabetes. She stayed active, but her health was fragile, something we've learned to live with. She had a heart attack and died en route to the Red Cross hospital in Seoul.

Grief is a very private thing, and normally I would not write about it this quickly. But I want to get the word out to my friends, and I would appreciate the help of my friends and readers.

This was a trip that I had long promised Won that she could make. We stretched financially for this trip. And now I go to take care of her one more time. But bills are due. Such a stupid, mundane thing. I've never asked for charity before, so this is difficult.

If you would like to help, here is a button for you. Thank you in advance.


I'm still a private person. If you would like to send cards or letters of sympathy, you can do so to "Mark Boyd, Care Of [REMOVED]". This is a mail drop, please do not send flowers here.

As I said, Won did go to church. If you would like to send flowers you may do so to "[REMOVED]".

Comments here are open. For those of you who are religious, I would be flattered with whatever positive expression you care to make, religious or otherwise. For those of you who are secular, I ask only for your continued support and friendship.

EDIT: I've written a lot about my wife, you can read it all from this link.  Start with the oldest posts by clicking on "Older Posts" on the bottom of that page, and then read from bottom to top.


James F. McGrath said...

Please accept my sincere condolences.

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

Mark, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's nearly impossible to find the right thing to say in these situations. All I can really say is that I wish you peace in whatever manner you may find it. Everyone grieves in their own way and there is no time limit, each person takes as long as they need. I hope that you will be surrounded by love in this time of sadness.

Unknown said...

Mark - this is so sad and hard to even read about. I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. Kaberi is just telling me that the last time she spoke with you, you were talking about how Won was heading to Korea. We are really terribly sorry to learn about this. You have our heartfelt condolences and love. Let us know if there is anything else we can do.

Kaberi said...

Mark, I am so sorry to hear this.... I am thinking of Won right now! I cannot imagine what you must be going through. My heartful condolences. May Won rest in peace! Please contact us when you are back for any support you would need while you are in Fresno.

NerdMom said...

I am so sorry for you loss. I pray that you are surrounded by love, peace and help during this time.

Justin Casey said...

Mark, I am shocked and saddened just now hearing about this. I was fortunate to meet Won at the last BBQ and she was very friendly and kind. If there is anything I can do, please ask. My thoughts will be with you.

sempaidavid said...

Mark, I left the group know last night and everyone sends their condolences and best wishes. Don't worry about CVAAS until you are ready, I'll take care of it.

Martin said...

I am profoundly sorry to hear this. Please know that you have my deepest sympathies in this tragic time.

Jason Maggini said...

I'm so sorry, Mark.

paul [silentsanta] said...


I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not a regular here at all, but I will always remember the way you've looked out for PMomma and her family.
You have my heartfelt condolences, and my deepest sympathies, and I would hope that others will show you the same exquisite kindness that you have shown others.

so sorry,


Anonymous said...

Losing your greatest love, your spouse is incredibly painful, so accept my condolences and know there are strangers on the internet thinking of you and your family. I had to go through the same thing five years ago, sans an overseas trip.

I had not heard about you before today, but PZ Meyers (whose blog I regularly follow) says you are a good man in a time of need, so that's enough for me. Please accept a few bucks from me and I hope it helps ease the burden.

I know kindness from friends and strangers alike was extraordinarily appreciated when I had to deal with similar things.

Take care.

Unknown said...

I am so sorry for your loss. PZ Myers suggested we help. That's a good enough recommendation for me.

"One of the secrets of life is that all that is really worth the doing is what we do for others."
Lewis Carroll

Berlzebub said...

You have my deepest sympathies. If there's anything I can do let me know.

Unknown said...

Take care

Samia said...

I am so very sorry, Mark. The sympathies of a stranger from across the globe will not help, I know, but please accept my deepest condoleances.

Scott Hatfield . . . . said...

Mark, this is terrible news. I am a married man, and I love my wife dearly, but I can only imagine your loss. I have always been impressed by your devotion to your wife, in good times and bad. I think anyone who knew you for even a short time would want to be more like you in that regard.

Real love is a wonderful thing for those who are fortunate enough to experience it, and the loss of such a loved one is sacred, in every sense that really matters--personal, unchangeable and indelible.

At the risk of being insensitive, you will need more than expressions of support in a blog post and private grief. I am always available for you.


Christy said...

My heartfelt thoughts are with you during this terribly difficult and sad time.