Update 18 Jan 2010

Just a quick note to everyone

My wife Won was visiting high school friends in Korea over Christmas / New Years when she suffered a sudden heart attack. She died en route to the Red Cross hospital of Saedamoon district, Seoul Korea. It was fast, and she wasn’t alone.

Won’s health has been difficult all her life, and it became somewhat fragile over the last 5 years. She had her mitral heart valve replaced twice, and her heart was much stronger than it had been in the ‘90’s. However, she had arterial blockage around her heart, and was susceptible to blood clots. Her doctors are unsure of what happened exactly, but we presume a blood clot due to either an interaction between her medications and the traditional Chinese herbal remedies she was taking, or a blood clot due to flying, or possibly a combination of the two. Another factor could have been the weather – the day before she died Korea had a 100-year snowstorm with temperatures in the 3° - 14° F range. Won would have been walking up and down the hills in Seoul in that weather.

Won and I knew that I would outlive her. I just expected to be with her a little longer. We were married 23 years; we’ve known each other for 25 – more than half of my life.

She was cremated in Korea, according to her wishes. I returned with her remains on Thursday, and have spent the weekend sorting through her things at home. I have friends and neighbors who have watched our pets while I was gone, and who make sure I’m okay. Everyone has been wonderful. Our apartment is cleaner than when I left, and there is plenty of prepared food waiting for me. My family has been there for me, and my sister will be staying with me for a week starting Saturday.

I will be up to receiving calls and visitors starting Saturday 23rd. Please do not call before then – I need some time. You can reach me through my Google Voice number at (559) 892-0102. Please call first if you wish to visit. If you have my personal cell phone number you are welcome to call at any time.


I want to thank everyone for the cards, well-wishes, flowers, and offers of assistance. I'm humbled by the generosity and caring that has been expressed toward me by religious and secular family, friends and readers.

Arirang

아리랑, 아리랑, 아라리요,

아리랑 고개로 넘어간다.

나를 버리고 가시는 님은

십리도 못가서 발병난다.

The Land of the Morning Calm

I'm back from Korea now. Back to a home full of memories.

I'm doing okay. I have friends here. I have family on the way.

I'll try not to be completely out of communication during this time of transition. Please understand if I'm a bit out of the loop for a while.

Since her death the grief has been strong, but I've also managed to laugh. I've been reviewing 25 years of memories, 23 years of marriage - but I can see a future for myself.

I'm going to be okay.


And you, readers and Pharyngulites, have made it possible for me to be okay financially. The impossible has been made merely difficult. I am honored and humbled by your generosity, and I'll be thanking each of you. Some day, when I'm stronger, when I've healed, I'll tell you about my wife, Won.

But not today.

The grief comes in waves

This is the worst thing I've ever had to write.

My wife, Won Chong Boyd, has died.

She was in Korea visiting friends. I just got the news early this morning. I've been scrambling to make the arrangements to fly there either tomorrow or on Tuesday. I'm oscillating between numb and grief.

Won was a very private person with lots of medical problems. She did not like me to talk about her online. My deconversion from Christianity shook her faith, and for a time she was deist / agnostic. In the last year, with my support and encouragement, she had returned to the church - a much more liberal, accepting form of Korean church from that she used to attend. And I'm the President of CVAAS. We were okay with that.

She had an artificial heart valve and diabetes. She stayed active, but her health was fragile, something we've learned to live with. She had a heart attack and died en route to the Red Cross hospital in Seoul.

Grief is a very private thing, and normally I would not write about it this quickly. But I want to get the word out to my friends, and I would appreciate the help of my friends and readers.

This was a trip that I had long promised Won that she could make. We stretched financially for this trip. And now I go to take care of her one more time. But bills are due. Such a stupid, mundane thing. I've never asked for charity before, so this is difficult.

If you would like to help, here is a button for you. Thank you in advance.

[REMOVED]

I'm still a private person. If you would like to send cards or letters of sympathy, you can do so to "Mark Boyd, Care Of [REMOVED]". This is a mail drop, please do not send flowers here.

As I said, Won did go to church. If you would like to send flowers you may do so to "[REMOVED]".

Comments here are open. For those of you who are religious, I would be flattered with whatever positive expression you care to make, religious or otherwise. For those of you who are secular, I ask only for your continued support and friendship.

EDIT: I've written a lot about my wife, you can read it all from this link.  Start with the oldest posts by clicking on "Older Posts" on the bottom of that page, and then read from bottom to top.