Been keeping busy

I've been busy last weekend.

I've spent the weekend cleaning out my garage woodshop and getting ready to install new shelves, tear apart my benches, and make a new routing table all in an effort to give me the room to install my new lathe.

I've also been slowly going through Won's stuff, and getting ready to sell those things we no longer need.  I am figuring out what items hold sentimental value so I can send them to my sister.

And I've jumped back into CVAAS.  Sunday we had a great meeting, and I had a wonderful time at Drinking Skeptically.  Thanks for the card everyone, I appreciate it.

Over the last month CVAAS brought one of our projects to life - and the fallout from that has kept CVAAS officers busy late into the night last night.  Today several news organizations have called us for follow up. 

So what's that all about?  Well, the Freedom from Religion Foundation has sent a letter of warning to Fresno Mayor Ashley Swearengin.  

So, I've been busy for the last 4 days, very busy.  I've been upbeat mostly - keeping busy has certainly helped.  i still get melancholy from time to time, and I don't expect this to last... but perhaps the times of light will happen longer, and more often than the times of darkness in my future.

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Getting on with getting on.

It's come to my attention that the world is still turning.  Tonight when I left work the sky was still lit from the fading light of day - I can feel Spring coming.  And each day is starting to feel a bit more normal.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.  It seems so... unfair.

I had to cancel another doctor's appointment for Won.  And yesterday I paid for my car insurance.  It was cheaper now that Won is no longer on my insurance.  We married in 1988, just after I turned 25.  My car insurance rates plummeted that year because of my age and marital status.  How surreal that she helped my insurance rates by being there, and by not being there.


Thanks go to "Aunty" Liz for suggesting the masseuse.  You're right, it helps.  Thank you Wendy, and thank you John for bringing me delicious food, and for making sure I ate it.  Thank you Jackie & John for going way above and beyond in my time of need.  Thanks to my neighbors, co-workers, family and friends for checking in on me, for listening to me.  And thank you to all my friends and readers who helped me financially.  I start mailing out my thank you's this weekend.  It might take a few days for me to get them all out.

I didn't realize I knew so many people.  Don't be strangers.  You're welcome to visit - just call.


I'm starting to do things now.  I had a lot of plates in the air when Won died, and they all came crashing down.   And I didn't care.  Now, I'm finally feeling like picking a few of those plates back up and starting them spinning again.

At least tonight I feel like it.  Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.  I'm reminded of Screwtape's explanation of "human undulation", the peaks and the troughs that we all experience.  When on a peak, we have a hard time imagining that we can fall back to a trough again.  Some things C.S. Lewis got right, he was pretty smart about humans.  And I find the foreshadowing of his own tragedies interesting.

Hmm.  I'm also finding it difficult to stay focused....


So, the biggest set of plates that I dropped is with CVAAS.  This weekend I'll start picking them up again.  I'll be at the CVAAS monthly business meeting this Sunday.  If you've been working with me on CVAAS business, now is an appropriate time to send me another email to remind me of a dropped plate.


I'm still bringing order out the chaos of my life, but I can feel that I'm going to be okay.

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Update 18 Jan 2010

Just a quick note to everyone

My wife Won was visiting high school friends in Korea over Christmas / New Years when she suffered a sudden heart attack. She died en route to the Red Cross hospital of Saedamoon district, Seoul Korea. It was fast, and she wasn’t alone.

Won’s health has been difficult all her life, and it became somewhat fragile over the last 5 years. She had her mitral heart valve replaced twice, and her heart was much stronger than it had been in the ‘90’s. However, she had arterial blockage around her heart, and was susceptible to blood clots. Her doctors are unsure of what happened exactly, but we presume a blood clot due to either an interaction between her medications and the traditional Chinese herbal remedies she was taking, or a blood clot due to flying, or possibly a combination of the two. Another factor could have been the weather – the day before she died Korea had a 100-year snowstorm with temperatures in the 3° - 14° F range. Won would have been walking up and down the hills in Seoul in that weather.

Won and I knew that I would outlive her. I just expected to be with her a little longer. We were married 23 years; we’ve known each other for 25 – more than half of my life.

She was cremated in Korea, according to her wishes. I returned with her remains on Thursday, and have spent the weekend sorting through her things at home. I have friends and neighbors who have watched our pets while I was gone, and who make sure I’m okay. Everyone has been wonderful. Our apartment is cleaner than when I left, and there is plenty of prepared food waiting for me. My family has been there for me, and my sister will be staying with me for a week starting Saturday.

I will be up to receiving calls and visitors starting Saturday 23rd. Please do not call before then – I need some time. You can reach me through my Google Voice number at (559) 745-5232. Please call first if you wish to visit. If you have my personal cell phone number you are welcome to call at any time.


I want to thank everyone for the cards, well-wishes, flowers, and offers of assistance. I'm humbled by the generosity and caring that has been expressed toward me by religious and secular family, friends and readers.

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Arirang

아리랑, 아리랑, 아라리요,

아리랑 고개로 넘어간다.

나를 버리고 가시는 님은

십리도 못가서 발병난다.

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The Land of the Morning Calm

I'm back from Korea now. Back to a home full of memories.

I'm doing okay. I have friends here. I have family on the way.

I'll try not to be completely out of communication during this time of transition. Please understand if I'm a bit out of the loop for a while.

Since her death the grief has been strong, but I've also managed to laugh. I've been reviewing 25 years of memories, 23 years of marriage - but I can see a future for myself.

I'm going to be okay.


And you, readers and Pharyngulites, have made it possible for me to be okay financially. The impossible has been made merely difficult. I am honored and humbled by your generosity, and I'll be thanking each of you. Some day, when I'm stronger, when I've healed, I'll tell you about my wife, Won.

But not today.

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The grief comes in waves

This is the worst thing I've ever had to write.

My wife, Won Chong Boyd, has died.

She was in Korea visiting friends. I just got the news early this morning. I've been scrambling to make the arrangements to fly there either tomorrow or on Tuesday. I'm oscillating between numb and grief.

Won was a very private person with lots of medical problems. She did not like me to talk about her online. My deconversion from Christianity shook her faith, and for a time she was deist / agnostic. In the last year, with my support and encouragement, she had returned to the church -  a much more liberal, accepting form of Korean church from that she used to attend.  And I'm the President of CVAAS. We were okay with that.

She had an artificial heart valve and diabetes.  She stayed active, but her health was fragile, something we've learned to live with.  She had a heart attack and died en route to the Red Cross hospital in Seoul.

Grief is a very private thing, and normally I would not write about it this quickly.  But I want to get the word out to my friends, and I would appreciate the help of my friends and readers.

This was a trip that I had long promised Won that she could make. We stretched financially for this trip. And now I go to take care of her one more time. But bills are due. Such a stupid, mundane thing.  I've never asked for charity before, so this is difficult.

If you would like to help, here is a button for you.  Thank you in advance.

I'm still a private person.  If you would like to send cards or letters of sympathy, you can do so to "Mark Boyd, Care Of CVAAS, 438 E. Shaw Ave #221, Fresno, CA 93710-7602".  This is a mail drop, please do not send flowers here.

As I said, Won did go to church.  If you would like to send flowers you may do so to "Fresno Harmony Korean Church, 4881 E. University ave, Fresno, CA 93703".

Comments here are open. For those of you who are religious, I would be flattered with whatever positive expression you care to make, religious or otherwise.  For those of you who are secular, I ask only for your continued support and friendship.

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Now my day is all messed up!

My phone rang

"This is Mark in Engineering, how can I help you?"

A really sexy sounding voice with a French accent responded.

"Hallo? I need you badly. Ze, ah... ah.. thing is... Hallo? Hallo?"

"Hello, I'm here."

"Yes, ah... zat THING has ah... ah... ah...zat thing... you know?" She emphasized "thing" with a sort of horrid fascination, like she'd found a particularly fascinating and disgusting mouse. The weird part was that even incoherent, the sex appeal in her voice was hitting me at a very visceral level. It annoyed me.

"Hallo? Hallo? Are you zere?"

"Yes I'm here." I let my annoyance leak into my voice just a bit. "What can Engineering help you with?"

"Engineering?" Even confused, she still managed to make the word sound exotic, fascinating, and full of soft susurrations. "Engineering? I zon't need Engineering. I need Finance!"

"Well this is Mark in Engineering."

"Ah! Zo, can you ah... ah... throw... ah... you know? To Finance?"

"You mean transfer your call?"

"Yes! Zat is it! Please transfer me," she said in a pleading tone. She pronounced "transfer" with a long 'a' and soft 'z' and 'v' sounds. It was the sexiest word I've heard in years.

"I'll see what I can do." I hit the 'XFER' button on my phone, brusquely cutting off her thanks. I looked up Finance in the online directory and sent the call on.

Why am I writing about it now? Because that darned sexy voice is going to be rattling in my head all morning and ruining my concentration.

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