Why does Phelps sound like he swallowed a Victorian Dictionary?

Well, those insane nuts at Westboro Baptist Church are at it again. From their press release: (PDF)
WBC to picket the funeral of Rev. Jerry Falwell - at Thomas Road Baptist Church, Lynchburg, Virginia - in religious protest and warning: "God is not mocked!"
...

Ergo, God hates Jerry Falwell, Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, and all such Arminian heretic preachers - from fundamentalist evangelicals to openly gay Episcopalians and pedophile Catholics - all of whom have created the Satanic Sodomite Zeitgeist wherein America has irreversibly gone the way of Sodom. There is little doubt that Falwell split Hell wide open the instant he died. The evidence is compelling, overwhelming, and irrefragable. To wit:
  1. Falwell was a true Calvinistic Baptist when he was a young preacher in Springfield, Missouri; and sold his soul to Free-Willism (Arminianism) for lucre.
  2. Falwell bitterly and viciously attacked WBC because of WBC's faithful Bible preaching - thereby committing the unpardonable sin - otherwise known as the sin gainst the Holy Ghost.
  3. Falwell warmly praised Christ-rejecting Jews, pedophile-condoning Catholics, money-grubbing compromisers, practicing fags like Mel White, and backsliders like Billy Graham and Robert Schuler, Etc. All for lucre - making him guilty of their sins.
First, according to the Phelps clan, the Rational Response squad has obviously made a mistake about their blasphemy challenge. Apparently merely denying the Holy Spirit isn't enough, you actually have to attack the Westboro Baptist Church.

Would it be enough to send me to Hell if I T.P.'d their trees? Or do I have to push someone down? Harsh words were enough for Falwell's damnation - maybe I'll go that route.

Second, one of the signs you are in a cult is that the leader starts making up words like "Free-willism" and "irrefragable." Honestly, I thought that first word had something to do with killer whales and Bill Clinton, and the second word would be great if used in a first person shooter game. "You can't shoot the Master Chief twice, he's irrefragable!"

I expect Phelps to start using words like "Thetan", "consubstantial", "Unification" or "mahamantra" next.

Third, Phelps is 78 years old. It's not long until he dies. Can we protest at his funeral?

Maybe we can set up some commemorative monuments? I'll bet both Atheists and Christians will chip in for that!

And lastly, you know what they say about homophobes being closeted homosexuals

5 comments:

Alyx said...

Actually, "irrefragable" is a real word... it means basically the same thing as "irrefutable" and "indisputable."

Which begs the question of why Phelps didn't just use "irrefutable" or "indisputable" in the first place.

As you said, "Victorian Dictionary."

(...he wans to sound smert....)

jimmy@relevantchristian said...

What a nut job!

Anonymous said...

Is it me, or does Phelps sr. look a heck of a lot like the Tall Man from the Phantasm movies?

Calladus said...

If I started playing Dungeons and Dragons again I'd use a photo of Phelps as an illustration of the "undead". Perhaps a Liche.

lor said...

I'm with you, Jimmy! The thought that people look at this guy and believe he speaks for Christians kind of makes me ill.

just so wrong on so many levels...